umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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