puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
