Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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