I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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