you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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