If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
