I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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