I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
