I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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