so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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