Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
