the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
