I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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