He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
