college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
