Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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