You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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