Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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