I think my vagina is haunted
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
