i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
