We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
