just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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