He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
