She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
