Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
