shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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