You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
