remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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