The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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