Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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