I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
