matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
