She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
how drunk are you?
Several
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize