She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
