Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
