My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
