Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
