your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
