ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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