Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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