i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
