Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
