It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
