You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
