I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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