dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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