I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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