Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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