im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
