On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?