i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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