Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.