if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.