Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....