On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
