when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
