i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
