Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
