So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
