he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
