When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
