I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
