I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
