I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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