think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
