conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
